One year ago I published my first article for Transition Wrestling: A tribute to the evolution of the WCWA national tournament. ⠀
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I was stuck in Des Moines on my way back from California girls state—literally, the highways were closed for two days and I couldn’t get back to North Iowa. ⠀
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But I had my computer, and I knew I wanted to write something about the WCWA’s (2 weeks prior).⠀
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I didn’t publish anything before because: I was still working on my M.A., coaching, didn’t have a website, didn’t have all the info, didn’t have time . . . ⠀
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The truth is, I was so nervous I made myself sick. ⠀
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Hitting publish would open me up for the world to judge me—my writing, my perspective, my credibility. What if I got something wrong? I wasn’t a writer, just someone with a great idea, a vision for a future to build and a love for words. ⠀
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I fight that battle all the time, running on the line between, “what makes you think you can,” vs “what makes you think you can’t.” Gratefully, I find myself 9 times out of 10 on the right side of the line: I am a capable person with less than capable moments. ⠀
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I still get nervous for the very same reason I almost didn’t post this: it only tells a sliver of the story, it’s incomprehensive and doesn’t fit in everything I want to say. But, for the most part, I don’t let it stop me. ⠀
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What I’m doing is really fun and really necessary. ⠀
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I am so proud that I hit publish on that first piece. I am proud that I covered the 2019 NAIA National Invitational while mat-side.⠀
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I guess what I’ve learned is that there’s always a reason not to do something until I decide to just do it. To show up as the imperfect person I am, and to create honestly and whole-heartedly for the things that I love and value the most. ⠀
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I won’t pretend like there aren’t 20 drafts sitting in the queue that are just not quite right. But, according to my website, I’ve published 96 articles, posted on instagram 144 times and sent 529 tweets. And you know what? I know what I am doing. I might not always get it right, or have things received the way I intended, but I’m staying the course. ⠀
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So, here’s to all the next small steps that broaden what ‘capable’ means.
