I had a realization the other day. I was winding down and across my head floated, “When you know who are you know what to do.”
It’s something one of my wrestling coaches used to say to the room. It seemed to be in conversation frequently, actually. And it was kind of frustrating. As a person who has been in the mix of substantial life changes the last several years this quote b o t h e r e d me. I didn’t have clarity in what to do. And I still don’t have clarity on exactly what to do.
In a moment though, after what feels like 3 years of slowly learning myself, moving in an entirely new direction, and building a foundation that I am confident to stand on again, I got it.
This saying isn’t about knowing what do to with my life. It’s the bedrock for decision-making. Knowing who I am—what I value, believe in, tuning in to myself and standing firm—is how I make decisions peacefully. It’s how I say yes and no. It’s how I delay gratification for a greater purpose. It’s integrity and how I stay true to character. It’s how I know what to do.
For most of my life I actively went through the world. I went out and after things. But then I was in an in-between place, and for a time I let the world, and people in it, push me around.
And then I was over it. I got back in the fight. I stood up for myself—to myself mostly, but to others as well—and started intentionally making decisions in alignment with who I am, and who I want to be. It happened gradually and then all at once and it brought a level of peace, even in pain, that I haven’t acutely known before.
This kind of decision-making is sometimes subconscious, sometimes I have to be very aware of it and still other times I make the wrong call and have to deal with the discomfort all too particular to out-of-character choices.
It’s interesting how we can be years removed from something, already living it, and then it floats back in and reminds us—oh, we got it.
Much love my friends.
